There will always be people who are better than you. I look at myself in the mirror and think, why am I like this? I know what God made me this way because of a purpose and it is up to me to find what it is… but I, I just don’t seem to find it and I’m starting to have doubts with myself. I am doing my best to find myself in any way but I just can’t. It’s hard. As I scrolled down Facebook today, I saw that other girls are more blessed than me, I do not want to question that because I am fine with what I have, but sometimes I just think of how it would feel to have a life like that. And I see those who look prettier, better, those girls who have more. Those girls who have the better life, the one’s with the talent, the one’s with everything. And I am there, feeling ashamed. I try to tell myself, “Someday,” and thats it. I don’t know when that someday will come, but it will come. I have this little hope inside of me, that embers and tries to protect itself from the tiding winds that try to blow its light off, but my faith is strong, and its what keeps the light burning.
Tonight or tomorrow I may still look down at myself and feel all the insecurities in the world, but I will never stop believing that one day, it’ll all be over, and I’d be contented and happy. Someday.
I want to be the girl who I want to be in the near future. If possible, tomorrow. As soon as possible. I believe that that day will come. Soon. I wish that I would be the girl who will be radiant, cheerful, filled with confidence, the girl who will never be ashamed again, the girl who knows how to speak and the girl who would know what to do. I want to be that person. I know I have the will and the power to do so, but I just can’t. I can’t do it that easily. Change is hard especially when you know you’re in the same environment. I believe in the Law of Attraction. I know that it will be there the time I really want it, the time I least expect it.
At times, when people talk to me, and suddenly they would tell me how much I am a great person, and instead of feeling flattered, I am in denial. Because I know for a fact to myself that I am not that kind of person. That whatever I did to them that they think of that to me is temporary. I am afraid that one day they would realize the truth about me and never speak at all. I just want to be true to myself and I am, but I think that people think I am being fake just because I am kind. That People believe, girls that are pretty have bad attitudes. Well I am not pretty. I am a girl filled with flaws that I will never accept and that I will always be ashamed of and that I do have a bad attitude. Nobody is perfect. But I think that we have people that are beautiful. Not by face, but with what they have inside. What they can do to other people is what makes them beautiful. Its what makes them who they are. I like people who are being real.
I have issues with myself. Even if they are not that much for you or for anyone, I still am having a hard time to think it over. I should be rehabilitated, because I have the loudest mind. I think that I am insane inside of me waiting to lurk out, waiting for the right moment to burst into flames. Sometimes when I am alone, I think so much I can’t sleep. Even the worst ideas come into my head. I think of the things I have done that made me who I am today, and what made people think who I am today. It disgusts me. It makes me want to go back and turn things but I can’t. So I just have to accept.
I am a girl who is trying to find her way out of this isolated world. I am a girl who is hiding in this body trying to find a hole just to breathe. I am a girl who needs to find herself.
I want to know who I am and know what I can do. I want to be who I am. I want to do things that would not take me away from my world, that would let me stay there. That must be the reason why must not fall in love or be in that state. Because I don’t know who I am and I don’t love myself. If I don’t know how to love myself, If I don’t love myself, how much more that person who would love me? I think that I will be in love at the right time in the right moment, but for now.. I will let go of things and find myself. And most of all, fill my life with Happiness as much as possible. Because Happiness will take me to my world. And being in my world is where I am being true to the fullest.
I hate the sun. How much it just leaves earth when its tired of it. When it is over of throwing heat to the land that it kills and it is pain itself. I love the moon, how much it watches over us, how it is good company. That it will always be there day or night to notice Earth, to notice us. And it will give its little light just for us and how much it changes everyday, sometimes weak and incomplete and sometimes full and radiant. It understands us because it is like us humans. It is incomplete, imperfect, it changes but it still gives light. It still does the thing it is made to do. And that is to give light.
Vain Vain go away, come again another day, I still want to do something productive each day, Vain Vain go away. LOL
Late upload~ that’s Eden (bleester, former bestfriend when we were In Freshmen and sophomore years) then that’s Dave (School President and former co-3rd year representative) and me (duh) then Clarice (Le current bestfriend) AT GRADUATION DAY! Didn’t know we took a photo of this, just appeared at my dash at fb, you know what it is there XD K.
Documentation na tumambay kami sa Sampaguita. La lang. trip lang. Hahah~ excuse me if I used myyy language ;)